Our God is a good father. God is our protector and keeper. When out hearts are overwhelmed, we can go to our father for comfort, guidance and love.
For years, I was hurting and unable to heal from the grief of the loss. Darkness hovered over my life and it was unshakable. When I speak of darkness I am referring to dealing with the death of loved ones. First, I lost my best friend. This young lady was my confidant. We shared secrets, life struggles, lived together, fought side by side together. When she became sick and passed away it left me in a dark place and with many questions.
Next, my father passed. I had the best earthly father a child could have. He loved me and my siblings. He was the provider and protector. He was a man of God. My father brought us up in the way of the Lord and introduced us to Christ at an early age. Due to my sin and rebellion, I hurt my father’s heart. I left from under his teaching and chose another path. Even while doing my own thing my father prayed for me. I took his love for granted thinking he would always be there. But this was not true, death stole him away from me. Yet again, I was left feeling hurt, guilty, and fearful. More darkness came over me.
My brother was the next person to pass away. My brother stepped up once my father passed to keep my family together. He had a family of his own but he sacrificed for us all. He was my protector. He came to my rescue whenever I needed him. I watched this physically fit young man‘s body dwindle down to nothing. He had cancer and was in the fight of his life. I was hemorrhaging at this point of my life. I could not take any more pain. On the day of my brother’s death one of my cousins that I was close to passed away that morning. When the mortician came to take my brother, I recalled for a split second my mind leaving me. Had I given way to that, I would have had a nervous breakdown. At this point, I just wanted the pain and darkness to go away.
My sister discovered a lump in her breast and did not tell anyone or see a doctor about it for over a year. She told me that the skin on her breast felt like an orange peel and her nipple inverted. I was so mad at her. Why didn’t she see about the lump sooner? Didn’t she know I needed her, I loved her and didn’t want to be without her? I ministered to her the entire time about giving her life to Christ and she did, on her deathbed. I was at work on the day of her passing. I rushed to get home to her. No sooner than my foot crossed the door, she took her last breath. I didn’t even make it into the room. I was too late. More pain, more darkness. I wondered when would all this end.
No one could have prepared me for the next one. My mother, my rock died unexpectedly. No matter the lifestyle I was living she was always there for me. She was my encourager. She had hope for me when I didn’t have hope for myself. She was my momma. This one hit the hardest. I literally lost my mind. I ran, screamed, and was on the floor crying profusely. I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to grab hold of my mind. God is good. I was a candidate for hospitalization on a psych ward. But let me tell you what grounded me…knowing that she stepped out of this life into Glory. Hallelujah!!
My heart became hardened due to the loss of so many loved ones. Losing a loved one is not something that you have on your mind daily. You never expect them to depart this earth because you are comfortable with having them in your life, spending time with them, laughing, crying, disagreeing, and agreeing together. Your lives become so interchangeable that losing that individual devastates you.
There I was hurt, broken, and in darkness. When would it all stop? One day God sent a woman of God into my life that ministered healing in so many areas. This woman poured into me so much so that the hemorrhaging stopped. This woman nurtured me physically and spiritually. She genuinely cared for my soul. God had delivered and healed me using this anointed vessel. When I received the phone call at work that she had died suddenly, you can imagine what was going on in my head. I wanted to give in to the hemorrhaging all over again. I had not had any mind-altering substances in my system for over 15 years but the enemy was coming at me from all directions. The devil knew I was in turmoil and decided this was his entry. But what he didn’t realize was that I grew up. I could fight in the spirit now.
In this life, we will lose our loved ones in death. We have to remind ourselves that the Lord wishes no ill towards us. He doesn’t punish us with the death of loved ones. Death is a natural occurrence. If we are born, we will die. Hebrews 9:27 states it like this “And it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” We must seek to give our lives to Christ, so that we will not find ourselves in darkness. I was in darkness because I had not found the light of Christ fully at the time of some of the deaths mentioned above. 1 John 1:5 states the God is light and in him is no darkness at all.
The Lord God has delivered me from the darkness. And if He delivered me, He can and will deliver you.